Plus, it may have something to do with the fact that my first and middle names said together are a homonym of poultry (Paul Troy).
Thursday, May 29, 2008
This first set comes from my memory of when I used to be in AOL chat rooms - do they still have those? Anyway, we used to think of iconic phrases or names and do a switcheroo with the word "spam". This was done as a tribute to the mystery meat of all mystery meats. Oh, oh...I just thought of a pun: What did the butcher say to the whole cow that arrived at his shop? Nice to meat you. Get it? Meat you, instead of meet you. Meat you. He's a butcher. He said meat you. Oh my Gawd, I crack myself up!
Okay, so here we go:
10. Duck! It's a drive by spamming!
9. Introducing: Spammy Davis Junior!
8. Just for the spam of it.
7. Here's spam in your eye.
6. It's all fun & games until someone loses a spam.
5. I'm so hungry I could eat a spam.
4. Let's run it up the spam pole to see if any one salutes.
3. Even a blind pig will find a spam sometimes.
2. It's so hot outside that I could fry a spam on the sidewalk.
1. All we are sayyyyinnnnng, is give spam a chaaaance!
Which brings me to one of my favorite things to do in mixed company. No, not that! I like to sing the lyric "All we are sayyyyinnnnng, is give peace a chaaaance!" But I change the word peace to whatever suits my fancy. One of my favorites:
All we are sayyyyinnnnng, is give crack a chaaaance!
All we are sayyyyinnnnng, is give necrophilia a chaaaance!
All we are sayyyyinnnnng, is give sex with your cousin a chaaaance!
And another head turner I just discovered while blogging at work: Go up to a bunch of your coworkers and say: "...and how do you spell necrophilia?".
Okay, I think I'm done now. I hope this posting was enjoyable for you as it was me. Oh, and if you want to leave a comment with some more spam phrases, be my guest!
Monday, May 26, 2008
Well, apparently it never happened. Yes the car was sold in some Spanish speaking countries but it was not a failure and there is no evidence that consumers mistook it to mean no va. See this informative article that debunks the mythic lore on http://www.snopes.com/ for more info.
The Snopes article goes on to make the point that the folks who spread the urban legend are doing the very same thing that the tale is finding fault with: Not doing adequate research before hand. There are a lot of marketing courses and books that cite this anecdote as proof of poor preparation / fact checking. I guess the material was created before Snopes was around. :-)
There is another legendary tale of linguistic snafus in marketing about a slogan from the vacuum company, Electrolux. The slogan was, "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux" and it was purported that due to the poor translation into English, that the ad hurt sales for the company. Well, that turns out to be another falsehood because where the slogan was promoted, the U.K., the word suck is not used, or at least it wasn't used back then, to mean "to do poorly", the exact opposite of the ad's intent.
Why have I brought to you these tales of marketing gone wrong do to loose translations? I have no idea. If you figure out the reason for me, leave a post. The most probable answer will win a prize!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
...an ice cream run, that is. You know, where ya run out to get something, like ice cream. You didn't think that I meant...that we went....if you were thinking those horrible thoughts about me, then take them back. The only time you'll find me running is if someone is chasing me.
But I digress...
So, while we're at the DQ, we were standing in line behind a mom who was ordering ice cream with her youngin', I'd say he was about 8, and the patriarch of their family was sitting on a bench nearby. As she is trying to tell the ice scream scooper kid what they wanted, she was interrupted by her son who was whining and pleading for something...I can't tell you what exactly because of a language barrier, but suffice it to say that it was ice cream related. He was pulling on her blouse while half-saying & half-crying the words, "Mami, Mami!" over and over. He was so annoying.
The mom then turns to the ice cream scooper kid and conveyed the kid's request, with the help of her husband who spoke English. That's right; the kid was given whatever he was whining for! So they were ordering some more stuff when the kid starts up again. I complained to Matt about the kid being a brat and he just shrugs it off with a grateful appreciation that he doesn't have to deal with the kid. I wish I could do that. But instead, I let it irk me. So anyway, apparently this time the kid didn't get what he wanted because he stomped off away from her, then he turned around, and threw something at her. HE THREW SOMETHING AT HER!!! He ended his performance by throwing himself onto the bench where he pouted and whimpered. Did I mention the kid is 8, maybe 9? So she finishes her order, pays for it, and then turns to her family where she gives the kid his ice cream.
In my head, I am playing out the scenario as if it were me and Lil' Phez (who's 4) in the roles of the mom and her kid, and let me tell you: None of the scenarios end in me giving him ice cream. I still get pissed thinking about it.
They then go outside and sit on the benches in the front of the store to eat their ice cream. We buy our stuff and 5 minutes later we exit the store. When we get outside, the kid is wailing about something. I so wanted to tell that kid a word or two - or three or four. That little spoiled brat. Instead I muttered something to Matt and just shrugged as we trotted out to the my car and headed home.
So, here's the question....should I have said something? This is assuming the kid understands English.
Scenario: Baby eating at the table and their barely eaten food falls off the table onto the floor and the family dog heads over in that direction
New Parent: Well, at least we don't have to clean it up. Enjoy, Fido.
Veteran Parent: (thinking of the expense of the meal or the time it took to prepare, says to the other parent) Quick honey, before the dog gets to it. Be sure to brush it off really well.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Sorry, it's 5:30 in the morning and I am leaving shortly to go to work for the next 14 or so hours. Won't I be super-fun to work with? Well at least I got my shuffle in. Okay Fred, I need a really really good shuffle please.
- "Can't Stand Losing You", by the Police.
- "Jackamo Road", by John Mellencamp.
- "Somebody Help Me", by the Iguanas. I love this group and this is a great song with great lyrics: Somebody help me, I can't do it on my own.
- "Brown Sugar", by The Rolling Stones. Okay, I'm afraid I might jinx this but Fred is doling out some seriously good kick-ass tunes!
- "You Are Everything", by Michael McDonald. Well, there ya go. Jinxed.
- "Where Are You Boy", by Patty Loveless (from the Tin Cup soundtrack) - okay, who else other than Sari and me know (and love) this move, and soundtrack?
- "I Heard It Through The Grapevine", [sung by] by Michael McDonald. Just as good as the Marvin Gaye version.
- "That's Where I'll Be", by Little Big Town.
- "Solbsury Hill", by Peter Gabriel
- "In My Life", by the Beattles.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Here are the blogs that I have removed from the blogroll...
Dixie Peach - She seems like a nice enough lady but she loses me with the knitting. Knitting scares me just a little.
I Am Husband - The guy has just started his blog so I wanted to give it a chance. At first the premise, How To Be A Better Husband, sounded great but from the tone of his posts, I am concerned he is going to try to sell his readers a book or something. Maybe I'll go back once I learn how to read.
PoppyMom - One of my real world friends, who is also a blogger friend, loves this blog. I just can't get into it. The writing is just a little too biting for me. Yet, Elise's blog, which often features biting, and other forms of pleasure among consenting adults, is still proudly featured on my blogroll.
Shooter McFinney - Another real world friend. She hasn't posted since January, so she's off the island! We bloggers are a fickle lot!
Shoulders of Giant Midgets - I'm not sure how I came across this
Southern Muslimah - This young lady came to my blog via another blogger on my blog roll and she mentioned that she too is a huge fan of Chick-fil-a and that was enough for me back then to have her on the blogroll. I've grown. She's grown. It's over but I will never look at another waffle fry the same way again.
Here is the blog that I've added to the blogroll:
Queue drumroll please...
The Wonderful World of Nothing Worthwhile -
The ebb and flow of bloggers and blogs and blogrolls is a neat
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I know that I am worth one-fifth of forty dollars in pizza because that's what we ate for dinner and the big boss, who isn't here, offered to pay for dinner. I hope I don't lose the crinkled register receipt that is currently in my shirt pocket, otherwise, my worth will be diminished even more. I don't mind working late sometimes but it just makes me wonder....what's it all for? What is my worth? Have you asked yourself that question lately? What is a stay-at-home-mom's worth? How is it measured? In dirty diapers or toothless smiles?
I know my measure as a husband and as a father, but how is my worth measured as a business analyst? Do you wonder about these things? Should I? Or should I just get back to work so that I can go home sooner than later?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Last night Mrs. Phez and I were watching Don't Forget the Lyrics with the yummy-delicious (in her words) Wayne Brady.
We like watching the show and we like watching even better with the assistance of our Tivo. They have about 10 minutes of worthwhile content that they stretch out to a 30 minute program.
Here is an example:
Contestant: (singing the missing lyrics to a song we all know the lyrics to - yes, Hilda, even me)
Wayne Brady: Would you like to lock in those lyrics?*
Contestant: Yes Wayne, lock in those lyrics!
Wayne Brady: Okay, let's find out if those are the lyrics...right after this break
Wayne Brady: (to the camera) Welcome back everybody to Fox's "Don't Forget the Lyrics" and we're here with [name] who has
Wayne Brady: (to the contestant) Are you ready [name] to see if those are the correct 11 missing words?
Wayne Brady: Okay, show us the last two words
our sexy her sexy Wayne Brady do his thing for 10 minutes.
In celebration of Tivo, take 'er away Fred!
- "What It Takes", by Areosmith. I think it bears repeating from earlier Friday Shuffles: I share Fred with Mrs. Phez - not all the songs in his repertoire are mine
- "Hey Tonight", by Clearwater Creedence Revival
- "Peaceful World", by John Mellencamp
- "Problem Child", by AC/DC
- "Something", by the Beatles
- "Please Do Not Go", by Violent Femmes - I went through a Femme phase in high school - I'm not ashamed
- "Rainin' In My Heart", by The Fabulous Thunderbirds
- "Shoot Out The Lights", by Richard & Linda Thompson
- "Hello", by Lionel Richie
- "Gold", by John Stewart
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Personality Transplants: Cheryl Johnson, 37, described to London's Daily Telegraph in March the many ways in which her personality suddenly changed following a new kidney that she received from a deceased, 59-year-old man. Some researchers believe in such a "cellular memory phenomenon," but it is unclear whether, for example, Johnson's recent abandonment of trashy reading in favor of Dostoevsky and Jane Austen would qualify. [Daily Telegraph (London), 3-16-08]
Sonny Graham of Hilton Head, S.C., committed suicide in April after having spent 13 years with the transplanted heart of suicide victim Terry Cottle. The cellular implication is somewhat less likely, though, because Graham's widow was the same woman who was married to Cottle at the time of his suicide. [IslandPacket.com (Hilton Head), 4-5-08]
Until next time, enjoy your Wacky Wednesday!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Once upon a time there was a snake. His name was Sam. Sam the snake. Sam the snake was feeling sorry for himself because he couldn't do all the awesome things that his friends could do. There was Gary the Gorilla and he was very strong. There was Geoffrey the Girraffe who could see very far on account of his very long neck. And there was Toni the Tiger who was very fast. Sam couldn't do any of those things and it made him feel sad.
Then one day, all four of them were out playing together in their neighborhood when they decided to go into vacant house. They weren't supposed to go inside, but they did anyway. They went in the front door, down the hallway, up some stairs and into a room where they played. All of sudden, the door SHUT! They tried to open it, but it was stuck.
Gary the Gorrilla said, "I'll use my muscles and I will force the door open". He tried but it wouldn't budge. Toni the Tiger said " I will use my speed by running and then crashing through the door". He ran really fast and hit into the door but he couldn't break it. Geoffrey the Giraffe said I will use my tall neck to see long distances and look for help". He raised his neck taller and taller and until -boom- he bumped his head on the ceiling. Sam layed there on the floor next the door wondering how he could possibly help everyone when he noticed that if he tried really hard, he might be able to fit under the door. So he wriggled, and he wriggled, and he wriggled some more until he was able to slither under the door. He did it!
Sam the Snake went down the hallway, down some stairs, and out of the house. He went down the block to Larry the Locksmith where he got a key that would fit the lock on the door. He then went back to the house, where he went inside and went down the hallway, up some stairs and back to the room with the locked door. He used the special key and was able to open the door and let out all of his friends. They all thanked him for helping them and Gary the Gorilla said, "You were able to do something that none of us could do. You are very special. Thank you, Sam." They went to the park where they laughed and they played and they never went in the house again.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Oh, and yesterday marked our 15th wedding anniversary. I love that woman so much. How much? I plan on showing her as soon as we both feel better and can send the little ones off with our friends. ::wink, wink::
(Note to self: Do not copy this blog entry into the blog journal album that you are keeping for the kids to see when they get older.)
Okay, so on to the shuffle - take 'er away Fred!
- "Another Again", by John Legend. This song is kinda hot. He seems like he'd be a cool guy to hang out with.
- "You Decorated My Life", by Kenny Rogers. Okay, this song seems fitting enough in recognition of our wedding anniversary.
- "Overs", by Simon & Garfunkel. Um, this song is more than just a little bit depressing.
- "Big Joe and Phantom 309" performed by Ray Bierl. When I was in middle school, I bought a compilation album, from one of those music clubs, that consisted of various trucker-type songs. I'm...not...sure...why. Since then, I've lost it, but I always remember this one song that I really liked. It would make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Well, this is the song, and thanks to Itunes, I own it again.
- "Proudest Monkey", by Dave Matthews Band. I've got to get me my fix of DMB every now and again.
- "Who Put the Alphabet in Alphabetical Order?", by They Might Be Giants. And my oldest has to get his fix of TMBG every now and again.
- "Beyond the Sea", performed by Robbie Williams. A very nice lovey-dovey song. Not a bad version from a 30-something British pop star.
- "Fury", by Little Big Town. I always read that song title as "Furry".
- "Holiday" by Green Day. Great band! Fred is showing his diversity, wouldn't you say?
- "Where Have All The Flowers Gone", by Peter, Paul & Mary. Now Fred is being a show off.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Here is a bit of unsettling news from the "beautiful" state of California:
Until next time, enjoy your Wacky Wednesday!
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
I am going to wait to have my fingernails painted until just before I perform. I wouldn't want anyone starring at me unnecessarily.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, and God I hope you weren't, I learned this evening that my dress size is 16 and my shoe size in women's shoes is 11W.
Monday, May 5, 2008
It wasn't supposed to be our turn this time around, but no one would do it so with two days to plan, we found out today that our VP agreed that we'd fill in. We are doing a spoof on a Presidential Debate but we are making the questions and answers relative to our work environment. You'll never guess who they talked into portraying Hillary! I'll give you a clue...one of the times we did this before, we did a spoof on American Idol and I was Troyjaya. Well, Troyjaya and Hillary will look a lot like.
So, in researching for my part, here are some interesting facts (okay, maybe not all of them are facts - some are allegations) about our next President - maybe.
1. In 1969, after Hillary Diane Rodham graduated with departmental honors in political science, she worked her way across Alaska, washing dishes in Mount McKinley National Park and sliming salmon in a fish processing cannery in Valdez (which fired her and shut down overnight when she complained about unhealthy conditions).
2. It took Bill Clinton 4 years to make Hilary become his wife. They started dating in 1971. Hillary Rodham and Bill Clinton were married on October 11, 1975, in a Methodist ceremony in their living room
3. Bill Clinton returned to the Governor's office in1982. Only then Hillary Diane Rodham began to use the name Hillary Clinton, or sometimes "Mrs. Bill Clinton", in order to have greater appeal to voters.
4. From 1986 to 1992 Hillary Clinton was enjoying six-year tenure as a director of Wal-Mart, the nation’s largest company. Fellow board members and company executives say Mrs. Clinton used her position to champion personal causes, like the need for more women in management and a comprehensive environmental program.
5. Hillary Clinton became involved in a scandal about having a lesbian affair with her personal aide Huma Abedin.
A new book by Edward Klein, ‘The Truth About Hillary’ is said to make some claims about Hillary Clinton having lesbian relationships.
I have to go now and practice making funny faces in front of the mirror. Wish me luck!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
How many of you that live where it snows can say that, hmmm?
Saturday, May 3, 2008
*Okay, so this isn't actually his hands, but you get the idea.
Earlier tonight, or technically last night, Lil Phez and I were in his room doing the night time getting ready for bed stuff when he made the shape of a heart with his hands.
Lil' Phez: You know what that is, Daddy?
Me: What is it?
Lil' Phez: It's my heart. It has my uncle in it.
Lil' Phez has four uncles, one of which, the one he his named after, passed away 29 years ago - he was only twelve. About a month ago, I gave Lil' Phez a picture of his uncle in a frame for his night stand and said that this uncle would watch over him while he slept. Not being real big on a physical place called Heaven or Hell, I told him that his uncle, my brother, had died but was in my heart & mommy's and would now be in his heart.
Side Note: Seeing as how I was only 7 when my brother died, my wife hadn't met him, but she still has a lot of love for him. He was so special and my family have shared so many stories with her about him, that she feels that she knew him and knows that she had she met him, she would've loved the hell out of him, just like we all got the awesome opportunity to do - even as brief as his time was with us. Isn't it strange / awe inspiring how we can have love for a person that we never met?
Friday, May 2, 2008
Oh, and we're only doing five tracks for this edition, what with the images making it a much longer post and all.
"Take A Chance On Me", by ABBA - Okay, just how ashamed should I be?
"Tequila Sunrise", by the Eagles
"It's All Over Now", by the Rolling Stones. The image for the Eagles was a cover of the Rolling Stone mag and now Fred plays something by the Stones...hmmm.
"What The World Needs Now" by Jackie De Shannon. By who?
Okay so I looked her up. I know her hits but never knew her name. She also composed the hit by Kim Carnes, "Bette Davis Eyes", which is a song I really like.
"Country Road", by James Taylor. Classic.
"Large World Turning", by John Mellencamp. This is from his album, Mr. Happy Go Lucky; I really like this album alot!
Have a great weekend everyone! Feel free to comment on your favorite pic!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Happy May 1st everyone!
Okay, that's pretty much all I got!
Except to say that I know we've most of us have had lulls in our blogging activity and I've seem to hit mine this past month. But it's a new month so here's to blogging more frequently! ***raising symbolic glass of Cristal***
Okay, that burst of enthusiasm is spent. Will I really blog more in May? I guess it depends if anyone gives a crap. So how many of you really care that I blog? Please leave a comment and let me know.